Wealth Bondage

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Dr. Chadwallah

Dr. Chadwallah serves in the Wealth Bondage Forensic Hermeneutics Department. Trained in Critical theory, Queer Studies, and post-Colonial Semiotics, Chadwallah joined WB after serving as an Adjunct in 37 distinguished colleges and Universities.

Quotation

"A Text is a Network of Signifiers - spreading underground in all directions like rhizomes. Properly understood, even the smallest textual fragment can yield clues leading to the apprehension, arrest and punishment of its perpetrator. My job is to explicate The Happy Tutor's hidden meanings in accordance with his civic-minded intentions -- to delight and instruct his fellow citizens until his limbs are laid in earth." 

Chastity Powers

An Honors Graduate of the George Mason Institute for Advanced Studies, Ms. Chastity Powers has been called America's Cheerleader. Chastity serves as the Public Relations Officer for Wealth Bondage, blogging the brighter side of the news: "Tomorrow's Blogs Tonight." Chastity began her career with CNN pointing at maps. After a stint at FOX News, as an on-air talent, she rose to be Editor in Chief of Time Magazine, before joining The Rooster Foundation, as Executive Director. (Rooster welcomes the new dawn of American Culture -- When we crow, up comes the Sun!)

Quotation

Come on guys and gals! There is just so much gosh darn good going on in the world. Let's all keep our pecker up, and be the best we can be! Here's a special shout out to all my bud's at GMU's Institute for Advanced Studies.

Missy Proctor

Missy is the daugher of Admiral Harlan Proctor, a Wealth Bondage Old Boy, class of '72, who served in first Bush Administration as the Ambassador to Afghanistan. Missy, class of '98, has returned to Wealth Bondage, after a career in Film, to serve as Assistant Admissions Officer, and head of the Scholarship committee. She teaches French, coaches Theater, and serves as Women's Field Hockey Coach.

Quotation

I have a good education (Rosemary Hall and Mount Holyoke), an 8 room condo on Central Park, and a horse farm in CT. I just wrecked another Jag, so I am driving the old Porsche. Daddy is sort of a celebrity. Mommy-Bitch #6 is a model from Argentina. ("Ooooh, Baby...." is all she can say.) I am looking for a black guy with a recent prison record. Will consider Hispanic, or a white guy in uniform, or any guy with a hard-hat. Please be poor, angry, and stupid. You can reach me at RichBitch4U@mygiftcoach.org. You think you are so tough, but you can't make me do anything at all.

Smoky Joe

Smoky Joe And Associates 

Smoky Joe, JD, Senior Philanthropic Fellow in Wealth Bondage was, prior to beginning his career in public service, the founder and Managing Partner of Smoky Joe and Associates, procuring  family office services for families of substance in every sense of that term.  (Minimum net worth of $100 mil). SJ & Associates arranges confidential activities necessary to advance the Client Family's Vision and Values, if any. Asset protection and tax avoidance are provided through SJ & Associates' Correspondent Bank in the Caymans. SJ & Associates is about more than wealth. SJ & Associates encourage clients to join their peers in the public square. Separately each family of wealth is powerful, but organized as a phalanx no demos can stand against us.

Community Involvement

Smoky Joe gives back to the Wealth Bondage community through his investment of time, money and passion in SmokingHunks.com, a for-profit social venture with a double bottom line: profit and social good. Through Smoking Hunks, Joe has helped hundreds of boys of working class origins achieve their full potential as Smoking Thesbians. 

Quotation

"Better to take a moment to teach a young man how to blow smoke up his own ass, than to spend a lifetime doing it for him."

Captain Blowtorch

Captain Blowtorch

Captain Blowtorch dropped out of McKinney, TX high school, where he is best remembered as President of The High Torquer Club. He lives with his wife and her sister and their 12 children in doublewide just south of Jasper, TX. He works at the Harley Shop and rides with The Hogs of Heaven. A Rapture Ready Christian, he attends The Church of the Pines. Blowtorch serves in Wealth Bondage as Master at Arms. He also teaches Shop, Biology, and Vocational Agriculture. He coaches men's rifle. In his spare time he serves as a special agent for Homeland Security, tracking various persons of interest.

Quotation

The Enemy lies within: Bow down, Brother; its payback time. Maybe you should have stayed up there in Yankee-land. You pointy-headed tree-hugging protesters always cry like a little girl when I show you the chains. Why don't you grab your balls and die like a man?

Public Service

Candidia Cruikshanks

Posted by Candidia Cruikshanks

One Line Bio

Venture Capitalist and Social Venture Partner, ChairWoman of Wealth Bondage

Biography

Ms. Cruikshanks is wealth bondae personified. A Social Venture Entrepreneur and Philanthropist, she has in her business life, built and bankrupted entire industries, squandered billions, thrown millions out of work, and achieved in the process a vast personal fortune.

A graduate of Harvard Business School, Candy heads Heavenly Choir, Inc., investing in Sustainable Social Ventures with a double bottom like, social benefit and benefit to Candidia. Her current portfolio includes Lady Chocolate, making and marketing a line of organic candy through boutique retailers; Cosmotic Soap developed from seaweed to tone and tighten skin dehydrated by airline travel; and Optima Child Care, a chain of Day Care Centers provided as an amenity by Gated Communities.

Candy serves on the Boards of Heritage Foundation, Atlantic Legal Foundation, and NGO Watch. In Wealth Bondage she trains Politicians, Journalists, and Religious Leaders for a life of Public Service. Candy is Founder and CEO of Rooster Foundation, Crowing in the New American Century.

In Her Own Words

I have $1 bil and a fucking Harvard MBA. What do you have, little man?

The Happy Tutor

One Line Bio

Founder of Wealth Bondage, dedicated to delighting and instructing persons of wealth.

On Origins

Orphaned at an early age. The Happy Tutor was raised by Monks who taught him to master himself and others through the mortification of the flesh. Running away at age 11, The Tutor is entirely self-educated, having learned literature and philosophy through text books scavenged from a dumpster behind the local High School.

Professional Experience

The Happy Tutor has risen in the world by his own efforts unaided. After peddling his fanny to all comers from age of 11 to 21, he sank to life insurance sales in Birmingham, AL before rising through the ranks to becomes Chief Dungeon Master at Wealth Bondage in Dallas, TX. In that capacity, he provides pro bono morals coaching (Over the Knee) to America's Wealthiest families.

Quotation

"When I was a kid roaming the streets, I didn't have any money to go to the movies like the rich kids. So I used to go down to the city dump on Saturday nights and shoot rats with a 22. That was the beginning of my interest in giving back to Society."

Dick Minim

Posted by Dick Minim

Dick is a well-known wit about town. He has read all the latest scholarly periodicals, as well as the most interesting weblogs. An inheritor himself, Dick contents himself with his collection of first editions, and his observations on topics of interest to the discriminating few. In addition to his work as an Independent Scholar, Dick serves as a Chief of Staff to The Happy Tutor, smoothing over any misunderstanding that may arise from time to time with Candidia Cruikshanks.

Dick prepped at Groton, graduated from Yale, where he won the English the English Prize for his Essay on Christropher Smart's Cat, and has an MA from Balliol College, Oxford in Philosophy and Psychology, not that he would brag about this, like Harvard people, since that would be uncouth.

Origins

Dick's father, was one of the East Coast Minims, a principle in the firm of Minim & Minim. His mother ("Mummy") is a Hyena-Mellon, heiress of the Hyena Dog Chow Fortune. The Hyenas trace their lineage back to Governor Winthrop. Mummy is active in land conservation.

Quotation

I know that The Happy Tutor has many friends all over the world. I would like to think, though, that I am his special favorite. When I look back over my career in Wealth Bondage, I am pleased to consider that I have done no little service to my fellow man. As a Good Steward of the many gifts, both intellectual and financial, that have been entrusted to me, I do what I can to give back. It is a family tradition. We Minim's always have. Not that I expect or receive any thanks. To give is its own reward. Besides, Mummy says we must.