Posted by The Happy Tutor
The A.F. is scheduled to land in Contribute Magazine. I wish he would defer to a real Dungeon Master. Our noble trade is not child's play. All ye clowns gather round. Carnival has come.
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June 29, 2006
June 24, 2006
Chinese Death Vans
Posted by Candidia Cruikshanks, CEO of Wealth Bondage
Mobile death vans ensure fresh organ harvest. What can we do in US prisons to reduce our reliance on foreign organs? The Hidden Hand is groping for a answer.
June 21, 2006
Why Conservatives Can't Govern
Posted by The Happy Tutor
By Paul Wolfe, a professsor of Political Science at Boston College. To me the most chilling point is that for conservatives from Machiavelli, through Schmidt, to today's crowd in power the "Rules of a Just Society" are not what govern us all, but are the spoils of war to the advantage of the victors, packing courts, using secret signing agreements, call those who cry foul - "Traitor!" The imcompetence governance of those who despise governance, and the corruption of those who trade favors with business - that I had expected, but not the betrayal of our democractic rules of order. I hope that good conservatives unite with liberal, libertarians, progressives and whomever else to restore good order, checks and balances, and the rule of law.
June 19, 2006
The World We Want, LLC
Posted by Candidia Cruikshanks, CEO of Wealth Bondage
Hope springs eternal. The losers are all excited about "The World We Want." Tell you what, little ones, Momma is going to build you a world you want at her expense in Civicspace. Won't that be nice? Then you can all get down on your hands and knees and tell me how generous I am, what a big gift Momma has made to you. But I am going to set it up under.wealthbondage as a Limited Liability Company. Guess who owns the General Partnership interest with 100% control? Yes, Momma. And guess who owns 100% of the Limited Partnership interests with ownership but no voting control? Right again. Momma. And guess what, you dumbasses? I am going to let you all work your hearts out building out the World We Want, getting everyone all excited, building all kinds of user-generated content, then Momma is going to sell the World We Want to Rupert Fucking Murdoch for $25 million. All for me, Sweetie. Then Pierre and I are going to do a chapter for Peter Karoff on The World We Want as big fucking Philanthropists. Here is the double-bottom line: I own The World You Have and I own The World You Want. It is the hidden hand, Sweetie, it makes me do it. Now get your ass down into under.wealthbondage and build me some fucking fantastic content for free. There is no "outside" of wealth bondage, not even in your poor stunted dreams.
Whore Masters Swing to the Dems
Posted by The Happy Tutor
Want to know who will win in November? Follow the money from Corporate America.
FIFA and Bavaria Brand Beer
Posted by Candidia Cruikshanks, CEO of Wealth Bondage
I applaud the necessary steps taken Federation Internationale de Football (FIFA) to protect the integrity of the World Cup Business Model,
"They put our trousers in the bin," said an aggrieved Peer Swinkels, the chairman of Bavaria, Holland's second biggest brewery. "Fans going into the stadium had to dump them in a big container. Fifa said that the supporters could get them back afterwards. But the container was full of rubbish so most people didn't bother. I understand that Fifa wants to protect its sponsors. But this is very strange."
You want your logo, Swinkels, on trousers in the stadium? Fork over $70 million, Jackass. The TV cameras aren't going to be broadcasting your stupid brand of beer any other way. To distract time and attention from Budweiser who paid royally is theft of services. You should be incarcerated for even trying.
June 16, 2006
Our Betters in Wealth Bondage
Posted by The Happy Tutor
A friend wrote me of a former colleague of his, now a famous business consultant: "He's a great guy, probably doesn't even consider himself a prostitute." Why is that we recognize the truth of such remarks even when we don't know the particular person? Maybe because we know we are no better.
Absolut Wealth Bondage
Posted by The Happy Tutor
I am constantly inspired by Absolut, such attention to detail, such good taste, such a fne product, such concern for the highest and best use of our brains. Were it not for advertising, I might never have found my own favorite tipple, "What the word? Thunderbird. How's it sold? Good and cold . What's the jive? Bird's alive. What's the price? Thirty twice." Actually, I started out on Absolut and it is still my Absolut favorite, but once I started getting the Absolut heebiejeebies, and the nightsweats, I lost my job writing Absolut ad copy had to make do with the Bird. Still, the Absolut bottles are great. I sometimes find the empties in the Dumpster or in the alley outside the Bordello, and fill them with Thunderbird, drinking deep for old time's sake. Salut! You know, I always said that advertisers were lost poets. "What's the jive? Bird's alive." Listen, it even rhymes. 70 cents a bottle; don't I wish. A bargain at any price. Let the good times roll.
June 14, 2006
Where is Your Cheese Now?
Posted by The Happy Tutor
"Where is my cheese?," America asks. And Candidia has the answer, now at number 8 out of 96,000,000 in Google. "Where is your cheese, little one? The sweetest cheese is the cheese we take from stupid little mice like you. I ate your cheese all up. Look! It is all gone. All things work for the good for those who eat your cheese. Now back into the maze and find Momma some more cheese. Next time, you can have some, but not now."
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