« The Happy Tutor Extends an Apology to Lucy Bernholz | Main | Gifthub Awarded Funding for 2007 »

November 30, 2006


Feed You can follow this conversation by subscribing to the comment feed for this post.

Let her go in peace? Why, shucks, Unca Remus. I wuz just gettin' started. But I will desist. See, I know a few of them big vocabulary words here and there. My public school education did not go to waste. No sirree. I don't wish Miss Lucy any malice. And I shore do know my place. Me? I am the lowliest of all the slaves. No fancy degrees from no fancy schools. Ah, me. Dumpster is a lonely place when you put it this way. Very lonely, indeed.

That is why we need more company. I hope Lucy will come around in a mask one evening and join us for Carnival, our masked Charity Ball.

More company? What is wrong with the company we have? Kind of reminds me of what my place really is. I am not a colleague. Arm's length I am kept, and arm's length I remain. I don't think I am a Dumpster Dweller. More like I live in my cardboard box next to the Dumpster and I hope for some small kindness to be bestowed upon me. Maybe some Dumpster scraps which are table scraps once removed.

Well, Margaret outed both of us to a wider community WRT the doings at ONet and such. It might be more exposure that I wanted or expected, but thems the breaks. In the end, I'm very glad I made that post, and will be following it up in the after discussions (which already started even before the match phase finishes).

I went to that link, and I obviously missed something. I don't see how we were outed?

Debbie, you are always welcome here. You can grouse like the rest of us.

Gerry, think of a stage set, like a living room, or a Dumpster for that matter, but the set is on a stage flush with the floor. All day and all night the audience comes and goes, milling about, joining in or gawking or just passing through. At some point, you notice a microphone, lights, and a camera. Do you quiet down, or keep talking? I think we are about at that point.


I am, ummmm, merely middleborn and certainly lowbrow. I can certainly grouse quite nicely, thank you, but, frankly, this is an old coversation. I get miffed when I feel as if my social and academic betters are being catered to and their feelings are cared about, and I am a pig in a petticoat. Not wearing a redjacket, either. I am not invisible, but I don't matter much, either. And that's not me hoping to be begged to stay. Just sayin', hey, I matter, too, even though I don't have social and academic credentials. How about someone deferring to me for a change instead of it always being the other way 'round? Gotta make nice. Feh. I get my back up when women like Lucy and Liz and some of your other women friends seem to go about as if their shit don't stink. Well, ladies, it does. Get over yourselves. All the more reason I am appreciative of you and Albert. You men treat me as an equal. But the women? Forgetaboutit. I'd rather be razzed a bit by you and the other boyz than to have to be in the sanitized company of most women. Sad to say. I really do wish that Tracy would come 'round. I don't get that same feeling of intellectual (and emotional) dishonesty from her.

Well, the woman aren't put off by you, Debbie. It just might be me.

Yanno, HT, maybe it's just that I am very tired and that makes me rougher than usual around the edges. But I know better. I remember those women going off in a huff, and I no doubt contributed to that. Sometimes I find myself quite disillusioned with the company of women.

Liz? You mean Lawley? That must have been five years ago. You do loving work in your own sphere of influence for those who depend on you, Debbie. Who of us can do more?

Yeah. Liz Lawley. Was that five years ago? Huh. And then there was the woman who has helped you with tech stuff. She wouldn't give Gerry the time of day.
Are these women so thin-skinned or are they so... controlling? Protective of their domain? It seems like those two, in particular, didn't much care for anyone to challenge them in any way or to indicate that they had their own knowledge and experience. Maybe it's good that I am sort of a nobody, 'cause I'd hate to think that I'd be that way if I had any special expertise to guard. Why is it that so many women seem to act as gatekeepers, especially when it comes to keeping other women from advancing? My experience has had me encountering an attitude of "I've got mine and the hell with you," from my fellow women, and it both troubles and puzzles me. Where is the generosity? Why are women so jealous of their positions? And jealous, too, of their SOs and spouses? And how can we stop perpetuating that? Woman pitted against woman for a career or a man or what have you. Is any man really worth that? I always ran away, tail tucked between my legs than to stake a claim in some man. Part of the reason why I didn't get married 'til I was 35. I had no stomach for dating.

My sphere of influence. Heh. Not a terribly large sphere, now is it? I had such aspirations, and so this seems so... not inconsequential, exactly, but falls short of what I had hoped for myself. As far as being an advocate, I think I would do that really well, but it's not yet the time.

As a man, who would like more women as readers, I can't slam women as a group. Your job, Debbie, is as a decoy duck. Make woman noises and see if you can get more women to land here, ok? Our humor here may be too macho, or irreverent. I hope not. Some of the sock puppets are full of macho bluster, but I hope the overall tone is hospitable to women no less than men. Nevertheless, you probably account for 90% of the comments made by a woman in the last few years.

Quack, quack. Why lookee here. What a nifty keeno pond I've found here. Is that all I am to you, Tutor? A damned decoy to lure the more literate ducks here? I know you don't mean it that way, but, honestly, being invited to be a decoy, well, it's kind of insulting. It's like being told, well, gee, you are nice and all, but you remind me of my sister. Feh. What woman wants to be told that? My favorite line came from a rather tipsy fella for whom I had quite an attraction. "Your eyes are a lot like my wife's." Yeah, I just so wanted to hear that. Did bring me to my senses, though.

Not attempting to slam women. Some of my best friends are women. At the same time, the people who have brutalized me the most have been women. Oh, men can be out and out cruel, but women probably have reduced me to tears much more often in my lifetime. Girls and women can be so savage. You want me to lure more here? Part of me says, not on your life. If men judge me, they keep it to themselves. Women, on the other hand, stick the blade in between my ribs and twist. All under the guise of being helpful, dontcha know. Offering guidance. Good god, any more help and I would be filleted. And, yet, the best nurturance has come from some really lovely women. Like my mother.

Why I account for almost all posts made by a woman is beyond me. I don't find the tone so macho. And I like the fact that the tone can often be irreverant. That suits me just fine. And, as such, I like being one of the boys. Am I braver? I don't think so. I am earthy. I love bawdy humor, at least some of it. I am very womanly, Tutor, but, conversely, I am not very feminine. I don't observe a lot of social conventions.

Maybe you need some sort of fembot. A "thing" that goes about being all girly and all. Shrieks at spiders. Talks about makeup. Squeals over babies. That sorta thing. Ain't me, babe. Not in a million years. Or, alternately, someone who is hardcore professional woman. That ain't me, either. Sorry. I don't have any solutions for you.

Decoys don't get shot. That should be a consolation.

No it's not. And are you being deliberately obtuse or are you really that thickheaded? I don't want to be a token. Maybe I really am the darkie around here and I just don't know it.

We are all darkies here, each in his or her own way. We all have private grievances, the question is how we can find a common language and make common cause.

Verify your Comment

Previewing your Comment

This is only a preview. Your comment has not yet been posted.

Your comment could not be posted. Error type:
Your comment has been posted. Post another comment

The letters and numbers you entered did not match the image. Please try again.

As a final step before posting your comment, enter the letters and numbers you see in the image below. This prevents automated programs from posting comments.

Having trouble reading this image? View an alternate.


Post a comment

Your Information

(Name and email address are required. Email address will not be displayed with the comment.)