Our Master Slave User Contract
You are Bound by These Terms: Wealth Bondage is a satire in the Augustan Tradition, ghostwritten by The Author Function prior to his untimely demise in 2001, and now published posthumously. The Text is provided pro bono publico to delight and instruct persons of substance in every sense of that phrase. The moral of Wealth is plain: We as consumers are in bondage to sin and death, wallowing in the bestial pleasures of the Free Market; on our hands and feet clank "the mind forged manacles" (Wm. Blake) of consumer society. Yet, by following the teachings of Jesus, Socrates, Pindar, Juvenal, Horace, Diogenes, and Jonathan Swift, and other gifted people, as conveyed by The Happy Tutor, we might yet be saved, as individuals and as a democratic society. By entering Wealth Bondage you submit to the terms of the Master Contract. Read in full.
Wealth Bondage is designed and intended for adults, who are desirous of being better people, and practicing the principles of Charity, and enlightened moral philosophy, within a free society, including but not limited to a free market. Be aware that Wealth Bondage draws on wisdom traditions from both the Judeo-Christian traditions, and the Ancient Philosophers of Rome and Greece, as well the as the satires that connect Rome, to Augustan England, to our own time.
REQUIRED READING & AND MANDATORY QUALIFYING ESSAY
As a prerequisite of entering Wealth Bondage, candidate will demonstrate a prior mastery of the conventions of Augustan Satire and its Classical Antecedents. Students are expected to have read at a minimum, the following precursor Texts,
Aristophenes, The Clouds
Horace, Epistles (with special reference to the "Ars Poetica")
Erasmus, The Praise of Folly
Swift, Tale of the Tub
Pope, The Dunciad and The Dunciad Variorum
Gay, The Beggar's Opera.
Wilde, The Importance of Being Earnest
Hasek, The Good Soldier Schweik
Kundera, The Unbearable Lightness of Being
A working knowledge of the Gospels is presupposed, with special attention to the parables.
Students desiring admittance to Wealth Bondage will submit a qualifying essay, on the work of their choosing, drawn from the syllabus above. The essay will be entitled, "The Art of Moral Instruction in Works of Augustan Satire and The Like." Demonstrate in your essay that satire, despite is apparent scatological, Dionysian, and obscene elements, situations or tropes, is as Horace suggested, a personal pleasure and a public service. Essays will be submitted in MLA Format via pdf to Dr. Chadwallah at Wealthbondge.com. Those placing in the top quintile will be invited to a trial private Tutorial with The Happy Tutor in his personal Dungeon. Tutor's view is that those wishing instruction in satire must "learn to take what they dish out." Applicants will demonstrate their ability to bear "personal pain for spiritual gain." Be prepared to explain to The Happy Tutor in your own words how you were seduced by sin, and what you are prepared to do to free yourself from the blandishments of consumerism.
The decision to admit a candidate to the status of "student" in Wealth Bondage,
rests in the hands of Candidia Cruikshanks. Please bring a financial statement, as your assets and income will be turned over to her for sake keeping during your instruction inside Wealth Bondage, a period ending generally in your death in the flesh.
HOLD HARMLESS AGREEMENT
By entering this web site you are making the following
1. Under penalty of perjury, I swear/affirm that I have a sense of humor.
2. I understand that when I gain access to this site, I will be exposed to visual images and verbal descriptions that are satirical, and which, in the time-honored tradition of satire, may include diction that is scatological, obscene, or otherwise offensive to person's of polite sensibilities. I am voluntarily choosing to do so, because I want to view, read and/or hear the various Texts which are available, for my own personal enjoyment, information and/or moral instruction. My choice is a manifestation of my interest in satiric matters, which is both healthy and normal and, which, in my experience, is generally shared by average adults in my community, such as myself.
3. I acknowledge that Wealth Bondage may draw sometimes on the Bible, and as such may use language that is straightforward, direct and insulting to pretense, as that of the Scribes and Pharisees, that Jesus taught and disciplined with words and a whip, providing thereby a role model for other pro bono public moralists, such as the Happy Tutor.
4. I am not accessing this material to use it against the site operator, or any other person whomsoever, in any conceivable manner.
5. If I use the service of this site in violation of the above agreement, I understand I may be in violation of both local and federal laws.
6. If I violate the above understandings, I understand and agree that I may be subjected to penalties ranging from ridicule and censure to binding, beating, branding, the pillory, the rack, public whipping, and the gallows at the sole discretion of Wealth Bondage.
7. Whatever my religious or philosophical background, I acknowledge that I am a sinner in thought, word, and deed and humbly ask that my errors be corrected.
8. Recognizing my own sinful nature and the depravity of the human condition, I ask Tutor to spare me not. Though I be frail, I am determined to give myself fully to his instruction that he might wound me in the flesh that I might live the spirit, following the example of Socrates and Jesus Christ to name only two.
9. I attest that I am in good physical and mental health.
10. I attest that my net worth is well north of $5 million.
Legal Notice: Your use of the service is at your sole risk. The materials on this website are provided "as is" without any express or implied warranty of any kind. Wealth Bondage offers no assurance of enlightenment or salvation. Wealth Bondage shall not be liable for any damages arising out of the use or inability to use, understand or take to heart the edifying satires, sermons, epigrams, object lessons, jokes, parables, and cock and bull stories freely available on this site.
While Wealth Bondage is designed to correct and improve your habits and morals, Wealth Bondage makes no warranty that: the quality of any insights obtained or inferred by you through the service will meet your expectations, and/or that any errors in your interpretation will be corrected.
Wealth Bondage shall not be liable for any direct, indirect, incidental, special, consequential or exemplary damages, including but not limited to, damages for loss of goodwill, moral damage, or other intangible losses (even if Wealth Bondage has been advised of the possibility of such damages), resulting from: the use or the inability to use or to recover from the use of the service.
Your access to Wealth Bondage is a privilege, not a right. If Wealth Bondage deems that your access is inconsistent with the moral purpose of this website (to uplift humanity), your access may be temporarily or permanently restricted or blocked. If Wealth Bondage believes that you have violated or acted inconsistently with the letter or spirit of the Master Contract, Wealth Bondage in its sole discretion, may terminate your access or use of the service, or any part thereof, for any reason.
All Speakers on this Site at the time of their postings were Fetish Action Figures ("Fictions" or "Not Real") as allowed by law. As a work of literature Wealth Bondage is exempt from the recordkeeping requirements of 18 U.S.C. Section 2257. Wealth Bondage does not depict actual bindings, beatings, or brandings. Any depictions of leg-pulling, back-slapping, spankings, caging, pillorying, nonconsensual surgery, flaying alive, hanging, drawing and quartering, or other satiric chastisement or public instruction are simulated in accordance with the longstanding traditions of Our Noble Trade.
Copyrighted images are posted here as a personal tribute to the talent of the artists and models involved under the Fair Use Provision, 17 U.S.C. §107 of the U. S. Copyright Act. Their appearance here is not intended nor should be used as a substitute for the purchase of copyrighted materials.