Posted by Candidia Cruikshanks, CEO of Wealth Bondage
Democrats in bondage? Duh! They and their opponents are all kissing my boots. How else will they get the money to get themselves elected? All those stupid campaign ads cost money, Honey.
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On page 963 of Stewart’s Multi-Variable Calculus (5th ed.), we are presented with a project so horrifying it practically beggars rational description:
“1. Locate a dumpster, study it, measure and sketch it. Determine its volume.
2. Maintaining all “important” characteristics, optimize its design to MINIMIZE THE COST OF CONSTRUCTION (emphasis mine).
3. Further simplify to lower costs.”
I cannot, for the life of me, understand how Professor Stewart could ignore such steps as:
a. Knock first to ensure that all residents of said dumpster are “decent” before you enter and begin your exploration.
b. Optimize your present (and if you are a math major, future) budgetary situation by scrounging for food, drugs, physical gratification etc. while on the job.
c. Remember to bring bleach, weapon, and spoon just in case, you never know.
I can hardly wait for our next chapter! What awaits us? “Locate your grave, minimize its dimensions” “Build your own coffin, minimize costs” “Costs approach zero if you simply throw yourself in the Niagara River (offer applies only to students with zero balance tuition bills)”
Posted by: Paul Curtin | February 16, 2007 at 12:05 PM
Well put, Paul. Dumpsters on the cheap. Social Welfare on the cheap. My only consolation is that the book you mention is one I scrounged within a year of its publication from a dumpster out behind a dorm at the University of VT.
Posted by: Tutor | February 16, 2007 at 06:59 PM
Sadly, it will not be the one used next semester.
Posted by: Paul Curtin | February 16, 2007 at 10:28 PM
“Locate your grave, minimize its dimensions” “Build your own coffin, minimize costs” “Costs approach zero if you simply throw yourself in the Niagara River (offer applies only to students with zero balance tuition bills)”
"Sign here to assign all fruits of your labour beyond our indulgance of your need to pay our bills, and dig your own grave over 40 years" ?
Posted by: JJ Commoner | February 16, 2007 at 10:32 PM
JJ, worse yet, your legal document above is provided to clients of wealth bondage as a shrink wrap agreement, good untill canceled.
Posted by: Tutor | February 17, 2007 at 09:43 AM
But the illusion, boys, the illusion, the illusion.
«:::P:::» «:::E:::» «:::R:::» «:::F:::» «:::E:::» «:::C:::» «:::T:::»
Ah, there, that's the ticket!
Posted by: ahfukit | February 17, 2007 at 12:58 PM
When a person is out of touch with themselves, systematically misled by advertisers from birth onwards, it is a relief to live within the shell of illusions. The scary part is when the illusions break for a moment, and we see the malign parents working the machinery for their good, not ours. We call that The Free Market or Wealth Bondage, or The Tapeworm, or Business as Usual.
Posted by: Tutor | February 17, 2007 at 01:54 PM