McJobs are Yummy

Posted by The Happy Tutor

BBC

Fast-food giant McDonald's has launched a petition to get the dictionary definition of a McJob changed.

Changed to what?

Comments

[klaus]

McNewSpeak?

[Tutor]

McPride?

[Bruce]

How about:

Mc·Job (mĭk-jŏb') n. Slang
Employment at a large, dynamic company utlizing both physical and people skills while bypassing the need for traditional matriculation or the associated expenses, offering both in-house training and a career path to full associate interfacing with management through well-defined processes, while providing the autonomy of self-provided healthcare. Often features exciting, peformance-driven culture where contributions are recognized down to the keystroke level, with outcome metrics tied to the capabilities of standard biological organisms.

[Bruce]

How about:

Mc·Job (mĭk-jŏb') n. Slang
Employment at a large, dynamic company utlizing both physical and people skills while bypassing the need for traditional matriculation or the associated expenses, offering both in-house training and a career path to full associate interfacing with management through well-defined processes, while providing the autonomy of self-provided healthcare. Often features exciting, peformance-driven culture where contributions are recognized down to the keystroke level, with outcome metrics tied to the capabilities of standard biological organisms.

[Tutor]

Excellent, Bruce. McJob Training and McDonald University prepares you for a lifetime of upward mobility. A McJob is your entry point to the Great American Dream - and unlike the Army - you don't killed.

[a.mole]

McCrime?

FATTY Michael McDonald used his huge bulk to shield his thieving wife from staff as they stole more than £2,500 worth of cosmetics in shoplifting sprees at Tesco.

Heavyweight McDonald's massive frame meant his wife Tilly could not be seen by CCTV cameras or checkout staff.

McGruff?

Keep a cool head.

[a.mole]

Addenda:

• $4,961 = 2500 pounds = 179 stone


• 25 stone = 350 pounds = $694


• The disenfranchised human body is worth $4.50.


• Our most valuable asset is our skin (which the Japanese invested their time and money in measuring.)


• The Crime Dog is thought to have started out at the bottom.


• Most distinctions are cosmetic.

[Tutor]

At $4.50 each, it might be better to work the underlings to death than sell them for salvage value. I suspect we could get more for their organs, however.

[Dr. Trotsky]

Moyers: Think it over: On one side of this city of Dallas people pay $69 for a margarita and on the other side of town the homeless scrounge for scraps in garbage cans. What would be the civilized response to such a disparity?

McTsk

[O Lucky Man]

...to assume our existence as broadly as we can, in any way we can. Everything, even the unheard of, must be possible in this life. The only courage demanded of us is courage for the most singular and the most inexplicable that we may encounter.

I'm a sucker for stuff like this. A big sucker.

Q. Why did the sucker cross the road?
A. To be born in another minute.

[O Lucky Man]

It is natural for man to indulge in the illusions of hope. We are apt to shut our eyes against a painful truth, and listen to the song of that siren till she transforms us into beasts... For my part, whatever anguish of spirit it may cost, I am willing to know the whole truth, to know the worst, and to provide for it.

-- Patrick Henry

Man, I am sucking so hard on this. Somebody Heimlich me.

[The Happy Tutor]

Stoicism - Diogenes descended from that tradition, as did Marcus Aurelius and Boethius, author of The Consolations of Philosophy. In the larger picture, Planet Earth was but a pilot project for a larger inter-galactic farce.

[Paul Curtin]

McJob: (n.) Kill me now or give me a gun.

[Roy Belmont]

From
slang for a low-pay, low-prestige job that requires few skills
to
an employed position from which prospective citizens can demonstrate their willingness to participate in society and labor for the public benefit.
Feeding the people
At McDonald's that's all we do.
As it happens my father's name was Donald.
The name McDonald means, as it happens, son of Donald.

[Tutor]

Roy, you might use that to open the door to an employed position in a internationally recognized food-services firm.

[No Blood for Hubris]

We are so so pleased to learn of McDonald's recent upsurge of interest in linguistic precision.