Wealth Bondage

A Lesson in Humility for that Little Twerp

Posted by Candidia Cruikshanks, CEO of Wealth Bondage

That moron over at Gifthub, my philanthropy minion, has seen fit to ask me, Candidia Cruikshanks, Goddess of Wealth Bondage, his boss and generous patron, these insulting questions:

1. Is wealth bondage a gang of bullies?
2. Is bullying condoned in wealth bondage?
3. Are raids upon other sites tolerated?
4. Do I enforce standards of civility?
5. Am I, Candidia Cruikshanks, perfect in every way?

The answer, you ungrateful moron, is that Wealth Bondage does not bully. We do not condone bullying. We do not raid other sites. Our standards of fine behavior are legendary. We are the fucking gold standard for courtesy. Am I perfect? Well, duh!  I rule. You will go to the Dungeon until you kiss my boots.  Now bow down! That is our culture here, little worm, get used to it. Drag him off! I will not hear your screams. I have my headphones on. Moooon Riverrrrrrrrrr, wider than a mile,  I'm crossing you in style some day. Oh, dream maker, you heart breaker....  I can't hear you, little worm. Louder!

Happy Independence Day, Suckers

Posted by Candidia Cruikshanks, CEO of Wealth Bondage

Dr. Carolyn Baker:

Collapse, sudden or gradual, is upon us. It’s Independence Day, and we have no government. The blood-dimmed tide is loose.

Why don't you have a weenie roast after the parade? Freedom, little ones.  You are Free! Wave your pathetic little flags. Today, Republican or Democrat, we are all Americans. Momma loves you all.

Kucinich Calls for the Truth about the Liars in High Places

Posted by Senator Dick Minim (D. MA)

Dennis Kucinich:

We cannot heal America if we continue with policies that are based on lies. We’ll never be able to bring closure to this Iraq matter unless we tell the truth about what happened. So America needs a new approach of truth and reconciliation. This isn’t a Democratic or Republican matter. This is a matter that relates to the conscience of this country. This is a matter of the heart—the heart of democracy itself.

Having voted for the war, and for torture, and the rollback of civil liberties, I am disturbed by this call for "truth." Dennis seems a bit presumptuous. Surely, we who have advanced degrees in the liberal arts know that there is no such thing as truth. All is a matter of signs and symbols floating like flotsam and jetsam on great rivers of power. How can I stand up for truth? I would convict myself and lose power. Ergo, it can't be "true." Let's work out a compromise of some sort. How about a lesser set of lies? Bush is an ok guy. So am I. We are all good people doing the best we can for the American people. Let us not be harsh with one another. Let us heal our wounds. I am a uniter, Dennis, not a divider. Leave me out of this truth-jihad of yours. (Link via.)

Demopublicans

Posted by Dick Minim

Albert is back; finding fault I am afraid with our efforts to achieve comity in Congress. The healing of our nation is my top priority. Your efforts to open old wounds, Albert, merely slows that process. Now, if you will forgive me, I must be about our Nation's Business.

A Minimal Victory for Wealth Bondage

Posted by Dick Minim  Sen (D) MA

I would like to begin by thanking all of you for my recent re-election to the United States Senate. I pledge to protect your paycheck, gas prices at the pump and your personal safety and that of our family to the best of my abilities, so help me, whatever God you personally worship, or none. While the expansion of warrantless wiretaps of Terrorists is necessary, let us proceed more slowly with these controversial measures. There is good and bad on all sides. Let us meet in the middle. I call for a new era of bipartisan comity. Let us work together for a better Wealth Bondage for all. Thank you. Thank you. More anon. Must scoot.