Posted by The Happy Tutor
Help the Homeless: Buy me the Hootch at $3.95 a pop, and I will donate a nickel to the homeless by recycling the bottle! Phil at Gifthub has his doubts, but he never has turned down a hit off my bottle. C'mon, Phil, lighten up. Am I the biggest grifter in the game? Pick on someone more powerful than yourself.
Posted by Dr. Amrit Chadwallah, Senior Adjunct in Charge of Hidden Meaning
Steve Denning will be in Wealth Bondage for our Annual Convention. We bring in all the Wealth Bondage Franchisees to hear the latest and greatest Wealth Bondage Success Stories. Steve is going to give the keynote, "Organizational storytelling: the discipline of business narrative." Candidia and he are going to role play the discipline aspects of business narratives by beating the crap out of me. I guess that is their idea of some kind of archetyal story, but it seems like sadism to me, pure and simple. I get tired of always being the butt of jokes. I have read Jerome Bruner, Walter Ong, Jung, Jesus Christ and all that narratology stuff too. Why am I a laughingstock when Steve Denning makes the big bucks? Could it be my skin tint? Who tells my story? Who tells yours?
Posted by Ms. Morticia Manners in Charge of Middle Class Propriety in Wealth Bondage
Newly Wealthy but Still Confused asks,
Is it considered rude, Morticia, as a guest at a charity ball to mention the turd in the punchbowl?
Confused, I would have to answer that, yes, it is generally considered discourteous to drop a turd in the punchbowl, but if your hostess has done so, it is considered bad form to mention it. You don't have to ask for a refill, but be sure to finish the cupfull, lest your behavior be misconstrued as a disrespectful commentary on the hospitality that you have enjoyed. Imagine, if this were the White House, you would want to be invited back. Many have paid a higher price for access.
Posted by Dr. Amrit Chadwallah
Phil over at Gifthub has written what is apparently a satire, of sorts, on Porter Novelli: Many Minds Singular Results (tm). But he seems, if I may be allowed to read between the lines, to be making them an honest offer too. Now, Porter Novelli with the best minds in the world, keyed into getting Singular Results, for those whose Vision Has No Limits, does not need any help from an Adjunct Senior Fellow in Charge of Hidden Meaning in Wealth Bondage. They can hold their own in defending Wade Dokken, their own role in this on-going public relations fiasco, and the role of PR generally in cooking up a Culture of Excellence. From the perspective of the vast history of satire, though, I think we can draw some lessons that might be helpful for Porter Novelli's Crisis & Issues Team as they plan their response, in defense of the Firm, their own profession, and the Fate of Humankind.
How you manage a crisis determines the future of your organization. Make a mistake and a reputation built up over decades can be destroyed in seconds. Get it right and your reputation can be protected, even enhanced.
Porter Novelli’s international team of crisis specialists give you the best advice in crisis prevention, preparation and management. Advice that’s critical for your business.
My Crisis Intervention Strategy, if I maybe be allowed a suggestion as professional skilled in Rhetoric, would center on the Persona, or at least the Wallet, of this seedy figure who calls himself Morals Tutor to America's Wealthiest Families. By every indication he is a penniless hack, a blogger on the take, a smarmy hypocrite, a toadying tool of Mistress Candidia Cruikshanks, his esteemed Patron, and my boss, for that matter. Rather than attacking him head on, my suggestion would be to take the hints he has liberally sprinkled throughout his post: Give him a job in HQ, maybe running the Media and Influencer Relations Division. He is good at Masquerade and fits as well just shooting the shit in a Dumpster Conversation as in Driving Public Opinion from the Bottom Up in a Corporate Astro-Turf Context. I know he needs the money. Don' t we all. But with so much at stake what is one million a year? Plus benefits. Just bill it through to Dokken. Call it insurance.
Posted by The Happy Tutor
Phil, and I grew up together in Middlebury, VT. He was a bratty preppy type who always thought he was better than those of us who lived over at the town dump. He went to fancy colleges and got Straight A, a teacher pleaser from kindergarten on up. I flunked out of fourth grade, and went into prostitution, peddling my fanny to all comers from the age of 12 to the present. But I will tell you one thing, I have never kissed Candidia's boots for living. O, yes, Mr. Phil is a successful man, setting himself up as a Morals Tutor to America's Wealthiest families, and blogging philanthropy as if butter would not melt in his mouth, but take it from one who has known him of old: all he is is a hireling, bought and paid for. I may be a common prostitute in a sado-masochistic bordello, but I have not sunk as low as my old friend. I don't judge him. He has always lacked character. He has always been a garden variety opportunist. Why should now be any different? You have to take Phil for what he is, a hypocrite. The only way your morals will be improved by talking to that guy is if you are one sick puppy.
Posted by Dr. Amrit Chadwallah in Charge of Hidden Meanings
That Candidia Cruikshanks has a Philanthropy Column syndicated at Giftub. org is now unmistakable. What it means is less important, in my professional opinion, than how it means. "Perspective by incongruity," if I may cite Kenneth Burke. Such conspicuous contiguities are, as he so justly notes, a formula for "verbal atom cracking." So far the only thing smashed is Phil's complacency. I must say it is a pleasure to see him grovel like the rest of us. It is possible that Candidia will allow us, as Senior Wealth Bondage Fellows, to post in her column as Honored Guests. Well, as they say, "The Dumpster has Landed." I am happy to be a small part of making the world a better place through the agency of Wealth Bondage. I find it very motivational and makes up for the crappy pay.
Posted by Candidia Cruikshanks, CEO of Wealth Bondage
Welcome to my philanthropy column, syndicated at Gifthub, under the auspices of the sweetest little jackass, my man Phil. See him dance on his hind legs to please me? What a great country. There are so many Phil people like him just aching to please wealth and power. Blow him a kiss. Sean, Momma is going to let you write about giving at The Financial Times, Sweetie, because you are such a good little boy. Just don't piss me off, or I will crush your little nuts.
Posted by The Happy Tutor
What if Gifthub were to interview politicians, CEOs, pundits and others, such as Bill Clinton on giving? To induce them to submit to this indignity, Phil would have to reassure them that the Deputy Editor would patrol the comments. Only real people in propria persona would be permitted to speak under the same rules that they can speak at a Presidential political rally: Either get with the program or get thrown out by the Rally Squad. Perhaps simultaneously, an actor here could impersonate Phil and and another could impersonate the interviewee. Here the comment section could quickly degenerate into Carnival. Assume that the CEO, politician or pundit were aware, maybe even in advance, of this Plot/subplot or Truth/fiction, or Public/off stage, High/low, structure, Would the interviewees agree to these terms? They would be allowed to retain their dignity, unchallenged by anyone in propria persona. On the other hand, both they and the "stage" supporting this illusion of truth and propriety would be lovingly and laughingly demolished in masquerade right next door. Would this be acceptable to the powers that be? Could we negotiate the groundrules and get this going soon?
Posted by Dr. Amrit Chadwallah Senior Wealth Bondage Hermeneutics Fellow
Does anyone know how to inform Google that all these hits we are getting on "bondage," "spanking," and "fucking," are totally inappropriate now that we are a Think Tank? Candidia asked me to see if we can be listed for Truth, Justice, and Democracy, instead. (If you are looking for the old D/s scene rooms, first door to the left, past the 20 foot crucifix, and right at the American Flag, then down to the Dungeons. Just follow the screams.)
Posted by Chastity Powers for the Wealth Bondage Free Press
Hey Gang, The new Center for Philanthropy and Civic Revewal is good for Google hits. Wealth Bondage is now #2 for "Fucking for Money." Sometimes I have been called a "media whore," but I don't do it for the money, not that the money isn't good. I do it to preserve our Civil Society. The independent press is critical to that, you know. Aw, c'mon guys! You know I get self-conscious when you stare.
Recent Comments