Ask Morticia all your most personal etiquette questions. No question is too embarrassing. Over the years she has heard them all:
- How much should you tip a President for a pardon?
- When should a NewsCaster cross her legs when interviewing a President?
- When in cutting away to a shot of Commander in Chief in a Flight Suit, is it permissible for her to lick her hot-pink lips?
- When should she arch her back and push out her chest, and when should she look the other way when the Flag or the Constitution are desecrated?
- What should a Lobbyist wear when attending a Charity Masquerade Ball?
- When is it considered appropriate for a Lobbyist and a Senator to trade spit when they kiss?
- Is it ever appropriate when in Wealth Bondage to name names of real people?
- What is the appropriate way to say thank you when, after destroying the country you were sent to save, you are awarded a Presidential Medal? How is one to repay such a priceless gift?
- How, if you are created a subprime mess, made a fortune, and topped it off with a big donations to the Candidate of Your Choice, is it appropriate to ask for an Ambassadorship?
- When a child is raped and tortured, how do you drape the flag you use as your shawl?
- When you as a NewsCaster are sent to cover a publicity event, like the pulling down of Saddam's Statue, is it ever appropriate to pan the camera to take in the CIA officers staging the show?
- When you as a NewsCaster are covering a Presidential Address, and the protesters, following the normal procedures laid down in the Presidential Advance Manual, have been herded into the Free Speech Zones, is it ever appropriate to film the goon squad pushing protesters around?
- When if ever it is appropriate to interview a protester guaranteed by the President's men?
- If you are a Trusted Advisor to Wealth, and provide your clients with Values-based Planning, when, if ever, is it appropriate for you as a Homme De Confiance to offer them moral correction? Is this your moral duty as a good submissive, as some believe, or is it topping from the bottom?
- Is it considered good form to ask a client, in need of moral instruction, to drop his panties, or should the punishment always be administered over the dress or trousers? Does it make a difference to your answer if the client requests a bare bottom beating?
Please address all such questions of propriety to Ms. Morticia Manners C/O Wealth Bondage: Where Culture Meets Nature in a Community of Conscience.
Having worked my way up through the ranks in Wealth Bondage from Think Tank Thinker, to NewsCaster, to High Class Hooker, to Anybody's Slut, to Presidential Press Secretary, I feel that I have a good handle on the appropriate decorum for Wealth Bondage. In general, the best guide is to never use bad language or mention, or even seem to notice, bad things done by those you serve, or those placed above you in Wealth Bondage. Topping from the Bottom is perhaps the worst offense against Ordered Liberty. Keep it light, keep it upbeat! Remember which side is up. You can never go wrong by simpering. Least said, soonest mended. When in doubt, follow the decorum of the evening news with Wolf Blitzer. Be good children. Remember Ms. Morticia Manners is watching!